thanks

"Thinking life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now."

Thanks for posting that, Jim.

not in Michigan anymore

I had a small panic attack when I saw SATAN in my kitchen today.



I'm still trying to figure out what to do. I'm not very open to suggestions.

i love when trace writes

read this.

some FF's

+Someone is pregnant

+Jess is smart

+San Francisco has joined the list for places I must live. By "list" I mean, in addition to New York.

+I'm on my way to Tiffany's to check out her awesome jewelry.

+I've been forced to play guitar again. I need someone to teach me some new stuff.

+I haven't had coffee since Sunday. I'm tired, but no bad headaches!

that's all i got for now.

the weirdies always find me

Always. They always find me.

Its not that the encounters I have with weirdies are all that abnormal, its just the frequency at which they occur.

Allow me to demonstrate this phenomenon:

Model A: In a shuttle from the airport to my house.
Guy: You are very beautiful.
Me: Thank you.
Guy: No you are really just very beautiful.
Me: Thanks, that's kind of you.
(insert 10 minutes of silence/small talk)
Guy: Do you have any money I can borrow? I don't have enough to pay for the shuttle ride.

Model B: Walking down the street in Hollywood with 3 guy friends. No other females within a 50 foot radius.
Pseudo-homeless middle-aged African American guy walking toward us says to the guy to my left: HEY HEY HEY! LOOK AT YOU GUY! LOOK AT YOU BRO! LOOK AT THAT FINE BLACK WOMAN YOU GOT!

Really?

Model C: At a local coffee shop.
Guy starts small talk. He's a poet. He gives me a book of his poetry. Sounds like destiny, you say? Yeah, except that it was a stapled together bunch of paper with coffee and other unidentifiable stains on it.
Topped off with:
Guy: Want to recite songs to each other?
Me: No. No I do not.

Model D: Sitting at a red light, waiting to turn left, minding my own business. A guy riding by on his bike looks at me and yells with such great fury and anger in his voice:
"HIPSTEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And last,

Model E: Sitting at a local coffee shop. I was wearing silver flats.
Guy: So are you a dancer or are you just wearing those for style?
Me: Oh, I don't even like them. I picked them up in NY because my shoes were hurting my feet and these were the most comfortable thing I could find. I'm not a dancer and I'm not wearing them for style either.
Guy: You're not wearing them for style? You better watch what you say here.

Seriously?

I may not want to live the rest of my life in the Midwest, but I'm pretty glad I have my nice raised-in-the-midwest morals/courtesy.

Don't worry California, I like you anyway.

this bothers me...

...and it bothers me that i don't know what to do about it.


(video embedded for those of you who subscribe.)

from a google chat with my mom:

Hahaha. Touche.

just read this

"You make some big grandiose decision about what you need to do, or who you need to be, and then circumstances arise that immediately reveal to you how little you understood about yourself. ...it seems I have not quite yet absorbed the truth of their most insistent statement:

"God dwells within you, as you."

AS you.

If there is one holy truth of this Yoga, that line encapsulates it. God dwells within you as yourself, exactly the way you are. God isn't interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some crackpot notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality. This is a classic example of what they call in the East "wrong-thinking." Swamiji used to say that every day renunciants find something new to renounce, but it is usually depression, not peace, that they attain. Constantly he was teaching that austerity and renunciation - just for their own sake - are not what you need. To know God, you need only to renounce one thing - your sense of division from God. Otherwise, just stay as you were made, within your natural character.

Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein.

Or, as Sextus, the ancient Pythagorian philosopher, said, "The wise man is always similar to himself."

expelled

I saw the film Expelled last night. I thought it was well done. Some cheesy music (some good music too), a few cheesy throw-backs, but all in all, quite good. During the middle I started to space, but it quickly regained my attention when matters of humanitarianism and social justice were brought in through Ben Stein's look into the Holocaust. Those topics are always sure to win my attention.

What I liked most about it actually had nothing to do with the Evolution vs. Intelligent Design theme of the film, but the parallel with the church that Steve mentioned he noticed after viewing it....

So often the church does the same thing to people that the scientific community seems to be doing to those who are willing to explore the notion of intelligent design. During the film all I could think about were my many friends who have been "expelled" from the church for questioning tradition and ideas...questioning the rhetoric. Of course, there have been various forms of being expelled...from actually being asked to leave, to being painfully judged, abandoned, rejected, ignored, or never accepted in the first place. I've found myself in that boat especially recently, but not nearly to the degree that some of my friends have had to endure.

What really gets me is Expelled probably appeals most to those of us who are considered to be "the church"...and probably disgruntles "the church" crowd the most when they hear that intelligent design has been written off in so many powerful scientific circles...but if we only take a step outside ourselves, look in the mirror...and recognize....we are writing people off every day for questioning our ideas about God...faith...religion...marriage...violence...politics...sexuality...

We're screwing up.

Somehow it always comes full circle...we are all the same.

I want to learn to love.

just for the record:

i miss my brothers.

disconnected thoughts on money

This could be a weird post. Just to warn you.

I'm of English/Irish descent, and inherited the trait of not speaking openly about my finances.

However:

I keep having this series of thoughts...over and over and over and over...about money and about how we always say that everything we have is a gift. I always get really inspired when I see people live the idea of viewing their possessions as things that are not even theirs...that everything belongs to God...

But I keep getting stuck on that, because what about when our stuff suddenly becomes a major problem? Like what about this car that I have that I cannot afford...how does that work? When once I could look at it and think "gift"...and then its flipped on its head and now I look at it and think "burden".

How do those things "from God" turn from "gift" to "burden"?

I just keep having this impatient thought that goes something like...."Alright God...if everything I have is a gift, and if really when it comes down to it, they are not even my things, but actually yours....then please take the car back. I don't want it."

Or what about the house that was once a "gift" but won't sell?

It just gets me right now.

That's all.

good morning

Its 7.30am, and I've been awake for no good reason for two hours already. But not even a good awake, a really hungry/thirsty/tired but can't sleep awake. So, here I sit in my bed with a box of shredded wheat and some water.

In a few hours I'm flying out to San Francisco to meet up with some good people for The Cobalt Season's album release tomorrow. I'm excited to be with friends and see a bit of San Francisco. Everyone tells me I will love it.

Last week I went to an event called LA vs. WAR. I was planning to write an intellectual post about it, but all I want to say is a quick disclaimer: sorry for getting political here, since I try to avoid that...followed by what I would have intended to communicate through a blog on the event, which is: war sucks. There is no such thing as redemptive violence.

Here are quite a few interesting pieces that were on display, among many:

A cheery way to start the day, no doubt.

Alright....off for the weekend.
xo

photozzzz

for those of you who share my love for mark and mindy...have at it.

go nuts.

catch up

I feel like I've been fairly quiet here on the interwebs for a few days, which is kind of unusual for me. I've spent the last few days primarily in coffee shops, restaurants, in the car, trying to find parking, and thinking about how good it is to have sunshine. I've been spending my time with such great people who I look forward to getting to know better...which is when I get a little sad about thinking that I have to leave in six weeks...

...

...hm.

...and then remind myself I've only been here a week....which feels impossible.

I spend most of my time thinking about that, and also thinking about how badly I wish someone would buy that car of mine that is sitting in a driveway on the other side of this country. Oh, and wishing that my cell phone worked in my house.

This last week has held a few great conversations about faith and honesty that have kept me on my toes. I'm always thankful for that.

I've been writing a bit, and have been totally desperate for an instrument to write with, and yesterday my new friend Bradley offered me one of his many guitars...and I am so stoked to go pick that up. I used to play all the time but kind of ditched guitar a couple years ago. I've really been considering picking it back up and playing again--not just as an instrument to write with, but actually playing...so perhaps this will force me into it, since I don't have a piano to play when I get sick of the guitar.

But I make no promises on that one.

I feel like I'm just rambling at this point, so its probably a good time to wrap this up until next time.

grace and peace.
xo,
-J

adventures in riverside

went to riverside. had a marvelous time.


fair warning--watch out:

more from dylan here.

the hake-castro's fearless leader made a delicious vegetarian and lactose-free meal on account of me, even in the midst of bantering from her boys.

fearless, i tell you.

two quick shout outs

first, its my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday Momma! Hope you are having fun in Florida...see you there in 7 weeks. Sorry our phone calls keep getting dropped today.

second, a little shout out to this coffee shop i'm at....called Silver Lake Coffee Co. Here's why it deserves a shout out: there are electrical outlets for the outdoor seating. Maybe this is common, I don't know. But I've never seen it. I haven't actually tried the coffee yet because I'm burning up right now and so is the coffee...and that's not really conducive to comfort. But I don't mind the burning up thing from the sun. I love it.

that's all for now.
xo.

a good word:

Where there are no flags and no borders, humanity becomes our common cause and greatest priority.

my new hood:

Allow me to introduce you to my home for the next two months. From what I can gather, my neighborhood is the lovechild of Eastown and Puebla (for all four of you who have been to both)…which essentially means there are a bunch of hipsters who moved into a neighborhood that has an apparent yet manageable crime rate and smells of delicious tortillas and churros where people like me sit at coffee shops and work on their macs and drink lattes during the sunny afternoon.

So, lets be honest, I fit in alright.

At the end of my block is a huge set of stairs, and if you climb them all without passing out, you get a great view of the neighborhood. My house is hidden in the trees right in front of the one with the bright orange roof, right at the bottom of the photo:

This is the mountain in the back of the photo of my neighborhood:

And at the top of the stairs, this:

This view kind of reminds me of central park where the skyline backs up to the trees…only there are no palm trees and no mountains in central park…and it also lacks that general haze over everything.

All in all, I'm well and magically un-allergic to southern California. Life is sweet.

New friends, places, and flora abound.

a letter home

Dear Mom & Dad,

I'm having a great time here. Camplifornia is a lot of fun. I have met some neat people and the kids in my cabin my housemate is nice too. Yesterday was very busy and I went to Hollywood, Malibu, and Pasadena. I also went to the farmer's market for breakfast and had strawberry crepes. And I saw the ocean. It was very pretty. I even got to hang out with a friend that I met from camplifornia before.

I have free time today so I am going to go to the snack shop store to buy something to eat. I will write again soon since the pay phone my cell phone doesn't work very well here.

Tell kitty I said hi.

Love,
Julie

a bunch of crazy vagabonds

I'm on a layover in San Francisco. I was giving it some thought, and I think it might be safe to say my family likes to stay on the move.

This morning my parents and I drove to the airport. They're going to Florida. I'm going to California. Did I mention we left at 5.30am?

Josh and Michele are in Paris. Proof:

Matt..what do you have in mind?

just remember

"Well, just remember - all your misery will be waiting for you at the door upon your exit, should you care to pick it up again when you leave."

On my way out.

Cut me loose from the deadness of the past.

an old soul

Forty years ago today, Martin Luther King Jr. gave his last speech, before being assassinated on April 4 of 1968. I just read today that his autopsy showed that while he was only 39 years old when he died, he had the heart of a 60 year old. I like to imagine what he would have been like, and I think that's something everyone would have known about him...he had an old soul...you see that in people from time to time...who are burdened and worn down, but strong and wise, even though according to the calendar they are young.

I love the vulnerability in his autobiography. One minute he totally throws down with his verbal kung-fu like he has a way of doing, and then the next demonstrates the reality of what his world was like, in a way where you wonder if even he was somewhat unaware of his own context. Watch how this happens:

"With this heritage, it is not surprising that I also learned to abhor segregation, considering it both rationally inexplicable and morally unjustifiable."

Then in the next paragraph:

"So for this reason [my father] was able to provide us with the basic necessities of life with little strain. I went right on through school and never had to drop out to work or anything."

Hm.



So much of what he writes is so empowering and...just huge.

I would end up having to go to the back of that bus with my body, but every time I got on that bus I left my mind up on the front seat. And I said to myself, "One of these days, I'm going to put my body up where my mind is."

today i learned:

I want to go to Shanghai. Seriously, check that out. You will, too.

filling my mindspace

Some things I've read in the last week or so that have been on rotation in my mindspace:

It seems inconceivable to most of us that relief can be found in facing our failure. Many are simply not ready for such a loss of face.
[Dan Allender, Bold Love]

And a longer one...well worth your time (well, at least it was worth my time), regarding Vipassana meditation, during which you are forbidden to shift your body, no matter how severe your discomfort:

If you are feeling discomfort then you are supposed to meditate upon that discomfort, watching the effect that physical pain has on you. In our real lives, we are constantly hopping around to adjust ourselves around discomfort--physical, emotional and psychological--in order to evade the reality of grief and nuisance. Vispassana meditation teaches that grief and nuisance are inevitable in this life, but if you can plant yourself in stillness long enough, you will, in time, experience the truth that everything (both uncomfortable and lovely) does eventually pass. ...I got to thinking about how much time I spend in my life crashing around like a great gasping fish, either squirming away from some uncomfortable distress or flopping hungrily toward ever more pleasure. And I wondered whether it might serve me (and those who are burdened with the task of loving me) if I could learn to stay still and endure a bit more without always getting dragged along on the potholed road of circumstance.
[Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love]

i love this

Today I was on my ma's computer looking at pics from my birthday/farewell party last October. I love this picture:
Its so awesome. Derek is cleaning up, like he always does when he's a guest. In college, Derek would always be the last to leave b/c he'd be in the kitchen doing everyone's dishes. Suz is being loud and as you can see from her earing, moving toward me at lightning speed. Betsy is raising a glass to...whatever, haha, and Keith, who I don't think had ever met Suz, is giving her a priceless look of hesitation, and possibly fear. And Stace dazzles us all with her incredible blonde hair.

I miss you guys.

taxes

I sat down at the dining room table about 40 minutes ago to start my taxes. Thus far, I have:

Made a cup of tea.
Checked my email.
Checked Twitter updates.
Checked Google Reader.
Read some blogs.
Drank the cup of tea.
Listened to Radiohead.
Wrote a blog.

Off to a strong start.