Back in VA

After 16 hours of driving, I'm back in Virginia for the next 3 weeks.

Its midnight, but I'm a bit torn on what to do. So many options:

+go to bed right now and sleep in my very own bed for the first time in two months
+play piano b/c I haven't had one for two months
+run on the treadmill that I haven't had for two months
+take a horrendously long shower because I haven't had water pressure for two months
+talk on the phone b/c I haven't had reliable cell phone signal for two months
+watch TV b/c I haven't had one for two months
+stare at my computer in the air conditioning that I haven't had for two months

See, so many options.

Sounds like I've been living in a third world country. Nope, just LA. And I love it.

And OH how I miss it.

I'm ready to go back.

Smells like roadtrip.

family photos

my favorite from today's family photo shoot.

don't take yourself so seriously

I just had this total moment of clarity, where I realized I take myself too seriously.

Oh, and in that moment of clarity I realized you take yourself too seriously, too.

I can only think of a few people that I know who truly do not take themselves too seriously. I've never been able to pinpoint what it is about those few people that I am so drawn to until now. Simply put, its the fact that they are so free because they do not take themselves too seriously.

I could expand and explain myself, but I'd rather not, thanks. I'm just saying I should stop taking myself so seriously.

Thank you, and good evening.
Grace and peace, or else.

-j

hope

This place could really use your help. A care facility in Haiti is facing the possibility of closing its doors due to something as simple as money. This should be easy. Go here to read more about it.

we're a good time

Hi. I'm in Florida. There's a close up of the scar I got 20 years ago from being stubborn. Yes. Still there.


Our entire vacation schedule might be scheduled around the Detroit Pistons' games this week, but we're a good time.

I love vacation because:
1. I love my family and don't get to be together very often anymore.
2. There is actually food in the fridge and in the cupboards. Food!
3. I do random stuff like go running at midnight.
4. I stay up way late and watch the moon come up. And its bright red every night.
5. We teach my dad how to do things like play Texas Hold 'em. He likes to check, call, and go all in. He never folds.

We went on a dolphin cruise today.

Me & Matt.

My parents are cute.

Josh & Michele

Matt & Mere

Michele & Mere. My brothers married up, eh?

and...i'm off

I'm sitting at gate 58a in LAX, waiting for boarding to begin for my flight to Pensacola. I'm laying over in Atlanta, where I'll run into Josh and Michele...where we'll all board a flight to Pensacola to meet up with the rest of the fam. I still love flying. I love the fact that right now I'm in Los Angeles, but by tonight I'll be on the total opposite side of the country. I'm like a little kid with that stuff, it never gets old. It totally blows my mind still that I can get across the country that fast.

I kind of hope I'm always that way.

Its like when I see the ocean and I gasp.

Its almost relieving to know that when I'm caught unaware and not censoring myself, that in spite of it all, that sense of wonder is still there.

Things only get old because I let them get old.

Things will be new as long as I want them to be.

There is always new.

That's what I meant to say.

Earlier this year I decided I should give a little more toward writing, and thought a good next step would be to have an article or two published. I quickly found myself a writing assignment with a Christian publication (I know you want to know who, but its really not all that relevant...) They liked an idea I had, and told me to go ahead and finish the article.

The idea for the article was inspired by a blog I wrote last fall about my good friend's wedding. In the article, I described the ritual of a wedding day: the excitement, nervousness, anticipation, and most importantly, the chaos. In the last hour before the ceremony began, about a dozen women were gathered in the bride's room, geared up and ready to help her into her gown. Per the usual, there was shouting and laughter and a dozen opinions flying around the room like bouncy balls--until the moment the bride was finally in her gown. At that instant, we all fell silent. It was as though heaven pulled back the curtain and said a simple, "Hello." Though God was there all along, the beauty of a bride is what made us suddenly so acutely aware of the Divine. That was the magic, that was the mystery. We didn't have to express it--we probably wouldn't have known how, but we all knew: God was there.

I finished the article and sent it in. I expected feedback, don't get me wrong, just not the kind I received. The feedback I received was, "We want you to write more about God."

I responded and agreed to make the appropriate modifications.

And let me tell you, I tried. Oh, how I tried. But I found myself staring at my computer. Not writing.

Last week, my friend Andy asked if I've thought about doing any writing. I told him the story, and he asked, "Did you ever do anything with it?"

I shook my head. "No."

He nodded. "They wanted you to write about God, but you were like, 'I already did. The whole thing was about God.' Right?"

"Yes! Exactly!"

That's what I've been thinking but didn't know how to say. That's what I meant.

Everyone needs friends like that. People who can say what you're thinking even if you weren't fully aware of it until it was spoken. Its that kind of thing that keeps a person from going crazy. Its that kind of thing that gives you the courage to keep trying.

I think a lot of things in life work like that. Most of the hurdles in front of us that keep us from running forward are only hurdles because we haven't named them. Once we identify them and give them names, we can jump over them--if they're still there, that is. I often realize what I thought was a hurdle wasn't even a hurdle to begin with, just something I imagined, or confused for a hurdle; like a flower or a puppy.

Not really. I'm just told blog readers don't like long posts, and I needed to win back your dwindling attention.

And remember, when all else fails, hurdles only weigh a few pounds and can be easily moved out of the way. Better yet, just run around them. No need to overexert yourself. Coming from the girl who stuck to the 100 Meter Dash because she was too afraid to run the hurdle races in 8th grade Track and Field, that's good advice.

when i'm too lazy to elaborate

...I use bullet points.

+I watched the sunset at Newport Beach tonight. The ocean was huge. I actually gasped--like, really loud, out of total fear. It just felt so huge.

+Speaking of huge, the moon post-sunset was huge and awesome. I love things like that. They remind me of how small I am, and how privileged I am to have what I have and be where I am. They also remind me that my problems are not so bad.

+Speaking of my problems not being so bad, go watch this. It reminded me of a class I took as a SWK major, and also reminded me of many conversations at Mars Hill about what poverty is. A lack of financial resources, yes, but also emotional, relational, educational....

+Speaking of educational, I need to read more. I want to read some good, honest literature. Any recommendations?

+Speaking of recommendations....kidding.

+Until Wednesday at noon EST, you can check out a full length premiere of our newest NOOMA here .

+I fly out of here on Saturday. I am not excited about leaving, but I am excited about all the people I get to see in the next month or so.

+Thursday evening/night will be a little shindig at the Edison, for you LA folk. 21+.

+Happy Birthday Tiffany, and Happy Birthday Kate. Please start blogging so I can link to you properly.

xo.
j

its a bit toasty

Its a bit toasty today. And its only 1pm.

I love it.

I admit, its a little uncomfortable. However, this type of discomfort is cake compared to when it is literally 100 degrees colder in Grand Rapids.

Also, I'm not sure what this "RealFeel" thing is. I think its the equivalent of windchill?

Only there is no wind, and there is no chill.

gluttons for...

I realized today that human beings are gluttons for stress and anxiety. Namely, artists, but I would venture to say this is pretty universal.

I doubt this is new information for anyone, I'm just trying to process the idea.

Take for instance, web 2.0. In some ways it creates quicker productivity, connectedness, community, etc. But all of those things come at the price of anxiety.

How often we apologize for things that never used to exist:

"Sorry I've been a slacker lately with blogging..."

"Sorry I missed your IM..."

"Sorry I haven't returned your message..."

"Sorry it took me three weeks to approve your friend request..."

And besides the apologies and guilt that create anxiety, so does the constant sense of needing to maintain all of that stuff...

+gotta check myspace
+gotta update twitter
+gotta write a blog
+gotta check my rss feed
+speaking of, I can't believe how many blogs i have to catch up on reading
+gotta check facebook
+need to upload photos
+did they sense the sarcasm in my comment?
+i haven't logged into virb in months
+did i respond to fast? too slow?
+how many readers do i have?

Seriously, I could go on and on and I assume you all could chime in.

And that's just web 2.0 stress.

That, on top of a vast array of insecurities and anxiety about music and life in general... I feel like if I'm really honest I'm a total glutton for it...and I see it in some of my closest friends, too...its like fuel.

I'm not sure why we do it. I'm not sure why I do it. I just do.

Thus concludes my introspective blog for the day. Abrupt, I know.

this would have been better...

This would have been better earlier today....but I'm slow and lame.

However and regardless:

Happy Mothers Day, Ma!

Everyone, meet my Mom:



She is great and taught me how to tie my shoe, play piano, accessorize, jumble my words, love sugar, learn wisdom, and be hospitable, among thousands of other things.

Things she did not succeed in teaching me, despite many valiant efforts, are how to clean my room, wear purple, and eat green bean casserole. Let it be known that I am the problem, not her.

I love my mom.

ugh.

I try not to let too many things bother me, its generally a waste of energy and life.

But...

Every once in a while something really gets me going...

I've been told over and over to check out freerice.com, which prides itself in donating rice to hungry people according to your vocabulary skills. I was finally checking it out and playing around with the vocabulary test, and decided to check out the credibility of this program and read the FAQs.

I'm not bashing the organization, but I was a mixture of angry/embarrassed/frustrated/surprised/saddened when I saw the first FAQ:


"How does the vocabulary game at FreeRice help me?"

I mean, really? We can't even visit a site created for the sole purpose of feeding the hungry without having to reap some sort of clearly identified benefit?

Then again, I am reminded of what I often say...people who get upset about things that really don't matter would contribute far more to this world if they directed their ambitions and energy toward something that does matter.

So I should listen to my own advice and get over it, and perhaps instead get angry about the fact that there are people who are starving in the first place.

my little love

my mom sent these pictures of caden today.
my nephew is adorable, no?

i need to see that boy and remind him that he has a crazy aunt julie.

two weeks...let the count down begin!

my smart friend ben

Ben is going to change the world. He has gusto.

This is him on our current presidential candidates and peace:

In either of their platforms on the subject, opportunity for peace is minuscule, as there remains an over-arching arrogance and disregard for human life which requires that all in the international community behave to our liking if they don't want missiles accidentally falling through their roofs.

Read the whole thing.

things I've wanted to be

Its funny to think about the different things I've wanted to be throughout my life. Off the top of my head, I've at some point wanted to become the following:

+teacher
+vet (ew!)
+nurse
+unicorn (i actually remember being like...2 and wanting to be a unicorn, inspired by a My Little Pony I had...which was a unicorn, not a pony.)
+photographer
+writer
+producer
+lawyer
+diplomat
+senator
+model
+psyschologist
+social worker

but ALWAYS always, I've wanted to be a musician.

Anyway, I was thinking about it today, how so many times I've been interested in picking up photography, but recently realizing how bad of a match that is for me. I like to be in front of the camera, but am learning I don't enjoy being behind it. Its not energizing. Not to mention the sorting/editing process that takes place afterwards. I'm too distracted.

Today I assisted at a photoshoot for my new friend Neil, and I had fun assisting, but would never want to be the one taking the pictures.

Props to photographers for doing the hard work.

Also, stop laughing about the unicorn thing.

i have everything i need

I've been very well taken care of. I've given it a lot of thought this past month here in California. People have been taking care of me like crazy. I'm really humbled by it.

First off, the offer to come here and live at Corey's house was beyond generous. Carl doesn't mind that I use his paper towels, toilet paper, kleenex, dishes, and movies, among many things, and drives to church and takes the trash out. Daley let me borrow his car for the last month while he was on the road. Cyndi has welcomed/housed/fed/loved me, and Dylan has bought me meals and coffee. Daniel and his family took us in when we were homeless in San Francisco a couple weeks ago. Bradley is letting me borrow his guitar, and Andy lets me sit in his studio for hours to play the piano. And although Kyle and I only shook hands on Sunday, he took his car to the DMV to extend the registration so I could borrow it for the next three weeks, dropped it off at my house today, and rode his bike home.

And that is only the beginning.

I was telling Brandon about some of this, and we were talking about how amazing it all is...and he said that he thinks in order to experience such deep generosity, you have to become needy. I liked that.

A couple weeks ago when I went to Bradley's studio to pick up the guitar he's lending me, he told me that God would hook it up for me.

Bradley was right.

its been a few days

I think I have more than one blog with that title. Oh well.

Either way, its been a few days since I've updated...

Spent the week with friends, basically. Enjoyed awesome weather...because I'm in California.

My new friend Brandon is in town, and you should check out his work. Its brilliant.

I am anxious about a family vacation coming up at the end of May. Its been WAY too long.

I feel like I've been doing a lot, but can't think of an interesting way to tell you all about it.

More soon.

-j

a little peice of inspiration

I always enjoy Seth Godin's blog, but every once in a while he says something that is so simply put yet amazing.

Like this.