The song I've had on repeat.

On my side bar is a list of people I do know, and then another category of people that I have affectionately named "Some People That I Don't Know (very) Personally (or at all) Who Are Good at What They Do and Make Me Wish I Knew Them (more) Personally". Most of my interaction with those individuals has taken place here on the good ole interwebs.

A few blogs back I mentioned a person on that list, Jamie Tworkowski. Unlike most of the individuals in that category, I have had the privilege of having a good old-fashioned face-to-face conversation with Jamie. He was at Mars when I met him. I don't recall much of our actual conversation, but do remember that he called up Jon Foreman and put him on speaker phone over a microphone for 200+ junior high students. I wasn't convinced it was a grand idea, but immediately wanted to be Jon's friend when the first thing Jon said to Jamie was "Dude, I got a beer!", to which Jamie replied, "I hope you said "beard", because you're on speaker phone with hundreds of junior high students."

Jamie was so outrageously kind to allow me to exploit our acquaintanceship (which is actually a word) and presumptuously ask him to write a review for my press kit. He obliged and was far too kind.

What I actually wasn't completely aware of when I asked him to write up a review was that Jamie is a bona fide writer.

Yes, that's right. I said it. B-O-N-A F-I-D-E.

In hindsight, I think my ignorance was working in my favor at the time, because had I been entirely aware of it, I probably would have been afraid to ask.

He writes at his myspace page, and his writing is always brilliant. A few weeks ago he wrote something new that I keep returning to. There's something about the tone of this particular piece that's so alluring- and I keep returning, day after day, to read it again.

I always say that I read things the same way I listen to music. This is the song I've had on repeat.

Reading it has been similar to what I once said about listening to Sigur Ros:

"What are they saying?"
"I don't know."
"Me neither, but somehow I understand..."

He beautifully evokes a jumble of related and seemingly unrelated feelings...almost logical and contradictory all at once.

Its mysterious, but laid bare.

Strong, but weak.
Confident, but hesitant. Vulnerable.

Doubtful, but full of hope. Doubtful, but full of contagious hope.

Exciting, but calming.
Foreign, but familiar. Comfortable, even.


I'm trying to refrain from becoming a (bona fide) internet thief, so in lieu of pasting the entire piece into my blog, I'll give you some highlights.

____

Dear jamie,

The only justice is love....

...Nobody gets to name you...If someone gives you something and then takes it back - that's okay. If someone says something or sees something, and then they don't - it's okay.

Do not despair. Do not be afraid. Grace is the interesting thing.

I know you think about it a lot. I know you don't know what to do with it. It does not define you. It never did. Then or now. You can wear it around your neck. You can throw it to the sea. It doesn't matter. It's not your name. You are free....

___


What you really ought to have already done is visited his blog and read the whole thing.

A few days before I read this particular blog of his, I started writing some words for a new song. I think it might be self-explanatory, so without much explanation, here are some ideas I've been jotting down. Conversations and ideas of being named have been stalking me from all directions. The themes seem to come from the same vein...

"Sometimes its good to get caught in the rain
Its ok to stay outside, because if you wait
All those bad feelings and shame
It can chase them away

Sometimes its ok to get caught in the rain
It falls and fills the pain with grace
Its ok to get caught in the rain
I'll stay outside and learn my name..."


I think I found enough inspiration to help tie down the loose ends in this song.